Nicki Blue, Virginity, and Controversy

Hey folks! So I’m actually in the middle of a blog series right now, but I’m putting it on hold to discuss something scene-relevant. Expect the return of normally scheduled writing on Monday or Wednesday.

So onto relevant discussion of Nicki Blue, the “virgin”.

Blue and her impending work with lifestyle BDSM site The Upper Floor is sparking major controversy in the porn world for many reasons.

For those out of the loop with this story, The Upper Floor is planning a ceremony in which Blue’s virginity is taken. I believe, though it hasn’t really been clear, that she will then be inducted into The Upper Floor’s slave service.

This story isn’t really as simple as Nicki Blue is a virgin, however.

The selling point in this story is that Blue has a hymen, somehow strong enough to last through 21 years of ballet and other strenuous activities. I’ll come back to this in a second.

Blue has spoken a few times now about how she is from the deep south of Tennessee, in a part of the country all about saving sex for marriage and being conservative and religious. When she was a teenager, and thus a master of loopholes, she began participating in oral and anal sex with boyfriends.

When she turned 18, she began doing webcam shows involving anal and clitoral play. She still had her hymen.

When she turned 19, she began pursuing what had become her fantasy: losing her virginity in a live internet feed. Despite society’s (and the world’s) fascination with virgins, she had a LOT of trouble getting this. Howard Stern said he wouldn’t do it because she looked “like a twelve year old” and it would be endorsing pedophilia. Yeah, Howard Stern. Between this and the falling birds it’s possible the world’s seriously ending.

Out of curiosity, Blue went to a fetish convention and found that a lot of people wanted to work with her, but only kink.com and TUP were willing and able to help her with the mission. So this will happen live tomorrow at 7pm.

So now we have the story leading up to tomorrow. Sooo what’s the problems?

My first point has nothing to do with Nicki Blue personally. In fact, almost none of my points on this have to do with her personally. I think the fact that what a porn star chooses to do is HER choice is the point of my writing, and if she has the balls to go for this, awesome for her. I do think however for many people she’s become a physical representation of things wrong with society.

My first point is why does a hymen have SO much value? She’s made a point to hold onto the damn thing for all this time, avoiding toys, fingering, and general human instinct. She, and most of society, feels this makes her a virgin. Is this what virgin means? A girl who decides her vagina is off limits but all else is go? “My vagina has a purpose but hey, go for my ass, whatever.” Is this what she felt the bible was teaching her society? Is this what she felt her society was teaching her?  Or was she just doing whatever to fit into the society? All of these are hypothetical questions this has made us ask ourselves as consumers and in ways members of her same society.

This is something society has debated in a positive direction for years: virginity is not a flap of skin. It’s not a singular moment. It’s the loss of innocence over time. Some folks die virginal despite marriage and children, simply because of what they haven’t experienced.

When I had a penis in my vagina for the first time, it could be argued that I was STILL more virginal than Nicki Blue at this moment with her hymen. It was a couple weeks before I had a penis in my mouth, and as I write four years later I’ve never had one in my ass.

The second point is her pushing on of hymen myths. She has a hymen, which is cool, if not a medical rarity. However, she defines a hymen as “the thing that makes a virgin” and she indirectly calls girls that say they’re virgins but don’t have hymens liars.

I did not have a hymen when I began menstruating. It is possible I never had one. However, I was also sexually assaulted as a very small girl, having been scrubbed with a nail brush. I don’t really know where it went, if it existed. Point is, if when I went to lose my virginity I was checked out and he started calling me a liar because I didn’t have my hymen, I would have smacked him and held on to the damn thing for the next guy.

Many things happen to hymens. They range from high strength and “bouncy like a miniature trampoline” (an old friend’s exact wording, not mine) to perforated and self-deteriorating to nonexistent. Finally half the human species, the men, are never born with a hymen, yet if one said he was a virgin, we wouldn’t pry at him for evidence. This is something she has ignored in her self-promotion.

I don’t really blame her. She’s trying to sell a fetish to the best of her ability. That flap of skin is going to make her a lot of money if not a massive career. She is simply grossly unaware of the responsibility that she is seen as holding, whether she really does or not.

Plus, people want to argue that she is somehow not in control of her situation with this, or that it’s going to be too overwhelming for her. As I said, she’s been trying to do this for years, so I don’t think this is a decision not in her hands. Plus, I don’t think the act of placing a penis in one’s vagina for the first time is always an emotional and overwhelming experience for every person. While my first time was with somebody I cared about and was with for a pretty long time, I wasn’t really emotionally affected. I’ve kind of always been a sexual creature, and I didn’t see it as some moment where everything would change for me, because it didn’t. I was still seventeen and when I left his bedroom I was still perceived as a child by the world despite having done this “adult” thing. When I went to the doctor weeks later for the sex-induced UTI, they told me to come back with my mother since I was a minor. My state of virginity gave me no social, or life, status.

There’s also talk of it all being so “heteronormative”. I don’t really understand how that debate plays into this situation; I find kink.com’s regular rule of fully shaved women more of a heteronormative issue than a girl breaking her hymen.

My opinion, in spite of the controversy? It’s definitely not the norm way to do this by any means. When I lost my virginity, the only other person in the room was his roommate watching tv in the lower bunk; not a camera crew and a home audience voting on who was going to deflower me (note: if I could afford a membership, my vote for Blue would be for James Deen. Omg that man is HAWT! I have weird taste…).

End note: shortly after I finished writing this, I found that Peter Ackworth had written an apology of sorts on the blog for BehindKink. This, readers, is one of the reasons I LOVE kink.com and have for a long time. How many other porn sites apologize for relying on sexism? So check out Mr. Ackworth’s writing:

http://news.behindkink.com/blog/default/?smm=y&permalink=Peter-Acworth-Responds-to-Nicki-Blue-Controversy

And I’ll be back on Monday (hopefully) with a follow-up post. Or it’ll be awhile. Something like that.

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~ by Stefani Vonne on 01/14/2011.

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