SF Pride, Part Two: Being Hit On

I have an insecurity issue with my totally-into-banging-chicks side. It’s not that I question if I have that side, because I totally do. Like, there’s days where I am full on in my disgusting man side and I can’t get my mind off bending chicks over.

My insecurity lies in being noticed by women.

In the six or so years I’ve been having relationships, I’ve spent about a month with females. I’m in a city that isn’t a home to gay bashing like other places in the states can be, but it’s not exactly open-arms embracing of gay life either. It’s something I never even thought about before I went to Oakland and saw so many gay couples holding hands care-free on a regular non-Pride day. I’ve become more aware as my thinking has taken a sharp swing towards lesbianism, probably in protest of it’s minimal place in my life.

In fact, the whole point in me going to Pride was hoping to make some more gay friends; because, whether it’s down the street or three hours away, I need it in my life.

I also tend to just not be noticed by women. I’m not the standard slim gorgeous short haired little lesbian that comes to mind, and my attempts to send out the gaydar often fail. I’m also offensive as all hell, which I think bothers the vegan dyke crowd, or any crowd that thinks a joke is always based in serious opinion.

So I was pretty excited when Kay sent me to meet her friends. It took me a lot of searching and getting lost near Castro, but I got to the park when the party was ending and moving back to Castro. One of her friends saw me and as the crowd was moving grabbed my hands and said, “you’re my date now.”

She was so small I could rest my chin on her head, if I slouched an inch or so. Without being too angry, Fiery Mexican vibes oozed off her, making me feel special to be on her good side so fast. She was so pretty too, like an unusual pretty. Her eyes had this natural sleepiness to them despite her intensity.

We spent about two hours holding hands, dancing together, sharing food, having fun. I knew this girl was going to have sex with me, especially when she made a point to say “how you gettin home if you don’t live in Frisco? Y’know, I live near here…”  and oh my God I was so excited. I knew I packed that dildo for a reason, and as much as I tried to be … a gentleman? … I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

Then somebody mentioned Kay coming out, and how I was her cousin.

“Woah. WOAH. You’re Kay’s cousin?”

Yeah…

“Oh, shit, I just thought I picked you up out of the crowd…”

No, not that I would have been complaining if you had…

She continued to play along for a bit, but after awhile she found another girl to flirt with, and then spent all night once Kay showed up flirting with everybody but me.

I probably should applaud that she’s such a good friend to my cousin that she wasn’t willing to make her family into a one night stand. BUT OH MY GOD I WANTED THAT ONE NIGHT STAND.

SO BADLY.

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~ by Stefani Vonne on 06/28/2011.

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