It’s Been So Fuckin’ Long!

Ohhh. Myyy. Goooood. I always try to not be that d-bag whose like “sorry I haven’t written blahblah” BUT this is really more of an apology to me. Sorry, self, that you’ve been too busy being a student to let your feminist flag fly in it’s natural habitat!

Not that it’s been completely shoved away dying. I’m taking a class right now, it’s technically “Psychology of Women” but it’s really been “Feminism and Why It’s So Fucking Important”. Three weeks ago, I felt like a pretty informed feminist in training. Today, I feel like I’ve learned a lot … and have by far a lot more to learn.

See, I grew up in an, I now know, abnormal dynamic. My dad was the only male in my household – my mom, my sister, myself, even all but a small amount of pets (who were themselves dominated … literally, the male bunny in my pair was a bottom) were female. And my father was, is, and never will be dumb enough to try to be the authority. My. Mother. Is. The. Boss.

I remember, to the great amusement of at least my mom, telling my dad one day while jokingly being forced to pick my favorite, “I’m sorry, I do love you, but I have to pick Mom. Women are just smarter, she told me so yesterday.” I was eight. And seriously, “women are just smarter” was the way I was raised. My dad never really disagreed. Not to say that he was some beacon of forward thinking feminist man, but he at least had enough brain to always see the three of us girls for our potential – as humans, not women. As I got older I got that men were smart too, but I always got how women were amazing, smart, beautiful, more potential than giving birth and getting pregnant again, people.

Now I’m learning that it’s 2011 and researchers still ask the question, “why are women not as smart as men?” Did you know this? Did you know, that the study done that “proved” that gay men have smaller hypothalami than straight men was done on people who died from AIDS, a commonly brain eating virus? I didn’t until five or six hours ago. Did you know that there was a study in the late 19th century that showed that the women were faster, more effective readers than males; and that those results got turned into “well people who can read fast can because they’re liars”? Yeah, and I thought the 19th century was just funny for the (mildly rapey) invention of the vibrator!

But I also have moments where being myself has been … awfully difficult. There is no way to concisely describe my political beliefs to a non-feminist classroom of journalists in the making who have their own damn interests. The one time I tried, I got a look from a man my dad’s age that about said, “a feminist who likes sex in culture? How the fuck is that a feminist?”

Yes, I’m still debating with my insides about when the time will be right to publicly lead my feminist life. The one that says, “fuck yeah a feminist can love sex and porn! If you don’t think a woman can like sex and porn, you’ve obviously never seen the way a woman does sex and porn. Hint, we do it better than you.” Instead of “well … um … I don’t know how to explain myself to you without taking up an hour of your time … and I’m already burnt out on debates for today … just, fuckin think whatever, I don’t care.”

When does a person have the right to be aggressive with their knowledge, and expect people to take them seriously? Is it an age? A degree? A moment? Whenever you have the God damn mojo to expect people to take you seriously?

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~ by Stefani Vonne on 09/07/2011.

One Response to “It’s Been So Fuckin’ Long!”

  1. Maybe you’ve attempted twitterfeed on your own blog, it might possibly be amazing.

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