Busy, busy, busy.

Y’all should be proud of me. Currently, I am the second highest grade in my psychology (aka feminism) class. If I had a way to find the person with the highest score, I would seduce them.

It’s been so long since I’ve written for this blog that I don’t even know what to write about. The only thing I really know right now, readers, is I’m on the right track. I’m being exposed to the right things at exactly the right moments and it’s taking me somewhere, somewhere great. I’m finding myself setting goals leniently, because the information I have on my life, the world, and myself is so ever changing that only a fool would take one thing and stick to it unconditionally.

I’m very newly post-breakup. Like, a week ago sort of new. There’s a little part of me that knows I should be totally crushed. Here’s a year of my life, invested in another person, and I’m starting over. Yet, I’m not. Don’t be mistaken, I’m sad to see him go, and I know that this one is likely the real deal, no going back or trying to make it work, end.

But, break ups have a reputation of breaking me. Sad for weeks, or months, trying to get them back, trying to not be treated like an ex-girlfriend, trying to not gain fifteen pounds in misery food. And what happens in that whole time? I lose myself. Maybe because I never had myself in the first place.

This one’s different. I get sad, I miss the good times, and then I go back to the long to-do list I have. I’m an adult now. I can’t lose what little I have as a young person in this world because I want to go back to times that are past. Plus, I don’t have that thing that I had as a late bloomer. Every break up I felt like I wasn’t gonna find somebody again, because I always had pretty thin charming friends who only spent time alone if they wanted it, but I was bigger, and odder, and louder. Being with Cody made me realize though, hey fuck that mentality. I’m with somebody funny, and attractive, and sexy, and tall; I can do this again, this isn’t a fluke.

So I can take this time post-break up and, instead of freaking out that I have to be with myself for awhile, I can work towards my future. I’ve never planned my wants out of life with another person in mind anyway, so why now, when I have classes to pass and people holding me accountable?

Wow, this wasn’t really where I thought this was going at all…

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~ by Stefani Vonne on 09/24/2011.

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