Blog in Review 2011: Is It What’s Wrong with Porn?

What’s Wrong With Porn? Part One

This entry was focused entirely on the fakeness of pornography. When I wrote and published this, I had no knowledge of feminist porn. I assumed that the sites I had seen myself – bangbros, brazzers, and kink – were a solid view of the pornography world. And yeah, I still think this is true. I’d estimate, with no research to back it up, 70% bangbros and brazzers-esue (bad thing), 10% kink-esque (good thing), 10% bangbros and brazzers-esque masquerading as kink-esque (bad thing pretending to be a good thing?), 6% other porn sites (likely weird thing), 4% feminist porn (very good thing, even better than the last good thing).

I have to acknowledge the criticism I’ve heard in my time being an active “fun feminist” – feminist porn exists, it doesn’t mean that it’s a majority or even that its making an impact on the bigger mainstream male-dominated porn scene. And yeah, hate to say this, but it’s probably true. I mean, those numbers aren’t pretty.

I think the blame lies on both sides, though (and I definitely don’t think – as the woman who argued this to me suggested – that the solution is to end porn completely). On the one hand, you got consumers who aren’t throwing their money down (I know I’m not throwing money down as often I should). On the other, you got these groups that just … aren’t fucking competing.

Free samples are simply common place in the porn industry. We give you a little slice of each episode, perhaps until you use up your five-a-day, and you know 1) that you’re putting your money into something good and 2) you can suggest this shit to your friends because you know it’s something good. Feminist porn sites just don’t do that, and I think this has bigger consequences than they realize.

Imagine logging into redtube, and finding a video of super awesome feminist porn sex. Fuck yeah, you think to yourself, this is a company I want to support! And you look in the corner and there’s the URL: superawesomefeministfucking.com. You go, you give them your money, you fap until your whole house GLOWS under a UV light, the end.

It’s not really *that* amazing a thought. It’s just simply what everybody else is doing, to have a chance to compete. And I think when your prices are at least double your competitors, you should be taking more opportunities to prove your product is worth it.

But I imagine myself being fifteen years old, the fifteen year old I described in this original post, and being able to find pro-women pornography, right off the bat, no special search terms needed. How might that have shaped my sexuality? If conversating with your partner before acts was just what I saw people do, would it have been so difficult for me later on? If I saw girls with more than a little flab, girls more my size, having sex and enjoying themselves despite their breasts being made of flesh and nerve endings instead of poisonous plastic, would loving my body seem so strange? I mean, it never seemed strange to me, but sometimes it did to the people I let in my bed.

Oh, and imagine being the fifteen year old version of the people I let in my bed! But there’s a point I need to touch on in my original post, a point that I now see was naive:

“If it was thought for a moment that [men’s] women were not having fun, they would no longer be having fun. Yet, they’re being taught how to pleasure us WRONG.

Men think they don’t need correcting, women don’t think they want correcting.”

As somebody whose been studying sexual assault for awhile now, this isn’t as true as I thought it was then or want it to be now. Sometimes, for what could be half of the male population (referencing a source in I Never Called it Rape), the force, the lack of desire, making her “change her mind” into finding it fun, that’s the game. And porn doesn’t help that, in the same way it teaches how to pleasure wrong. The dynamic of “she didn’t like it at first but she came around” is semi-common. In my opinion, it’s a great act for roleplaying sexual situations. Awesome to talk out first, and be like “ohh I’ll resist but then I’ll come around because hey it’s just a fantasy and if it goes too far I can say the magic word at any time; rubber ducky, see?”

It’s not reality, and it’s a terrible set-up for reality. And when you got companies like “realitykings” on the market, it becomes apparent – at least to me – that pornography is not being clear enough that it’s a fantasy, a script … fake.

~ by Stefani Vonne on 01/06/2012.

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